ONE OF THE BIGGEST DATING MISTAKES.

As a disclaimer: I'm married and have been for going on 4 years this August. You may be thinking, "What do YOU know about these streets?!" Well, don't take my advice then LOL. When I was out here, I was OUT here. I was an avid dater during my single season. While I made some stupid mistakes (I mean, BIG stupid), I also learned a few things. There's one mistake that I hear consistently amongst women of God and it drives me up a wall:

STOP GIVING THESE MEN THE CHEAT CODES ON THE FIRST DATE!

I hate to break it to you, but it’s treacherous out there. Sometimes, men (consciously or unconsciously) will twist themselves into who they think you want in a man. On the first date, it’s your job to LISTEN. It’s your job to pay attention to what they want to share and how they view their world. 

Too often, I hear women say that they steered the entire conversation. When I women about the man, "So, what does he do for work? What does he do for fun? Where is he in his faith walk?" She has no clue. Instead, she talked about her views on money, family, sex, marriage and sometimes what she’s looking for in a spouse! PUMP THE BREAKS. I hate to break it to you, but wolves will take advantage of what you SAY you want and try to manipulate you. While I understand the sentiment of wanting to be transparent, you do not need to lead the conversation on the first date. After all, aren’t you looking for a man who can LEAD? (If not, comment below and we can talk offline lol).

If you simply wait, a man will reveal so much about himself. You’d be surprised how many men A) have a hard time holding a conversation. B) are willing (OR NOT) to be transparent about their views and ideas. C) Left to his own devices, does he even take an interest in who you are? Does he ask you any questions?

I say this from experience. When I started to sit back and listen, a lot was revealed. Some men made sexual innuendos/advances toward me during the date. When I asked questions, some men revealed that they spend a lot of time at the club and partying- and at that time, those hobbies didn’t align with mine. Some men didn’t know how to talk at all! Some didn’t get my sense of humor.

Now, look. I dont need ya’ll acting like CIA agents, combing for information (LOL). It’s definitely a give and take, but make sure you’re just as interested in who HE is.

If we’re honest, I think one of the main issues is a lack of patience and an obsession with control. As women, we want to lay all of our cards on the table to see if the two of you are compatible. "Just so you know, I'm looking for marriage so if you want a fling, this aint it!" Or, "Hey, I'm abstaining from sex until marriage so if that doesnt work for you, this won't work." Girl, he doesn't even know your last name. I know you want answers NOW and you don’t want to waste time. However, you have to RELAX.  Dating is supposed to be a stress-free, relaxed, pressure-free experience. You're the prize! God is with you and you are covered by a mighty God. On the first couple of dates… you should be figuring out if you enjoy each others’ company & if you have similar values. 

Surrendering the journey to God is not easy, but it’s prudent and wise. If you start of the right way (walking in confidence, joy and wisdom) and seeking God's face, you'll approach the other steps in this same way. Love you! Xo