Friendships? At our BIG OLE AGE?

Admittedly, friendships have always been a weird dynamic for me. I make acquaintances pretty easily when I want to (because I love getting to know people and I try to stay fairly open). HOWEVER… real, true, genuine friendships? Those have been harder to qualify over the past few years. 

I have friends that I grew up with from childhood, but what happens when you live in different cities or develop different interests? Sure, you can keep a distant love and kinship, but let’s be honest: the staleness of a once-was intimacy is always present in the room and quite frankly, it's heartbreaking. How do you foster new friendships at what they call “OUR BIG OLE AGE”? I talk to so many women who admit that creating new, genuine, friendships post-college is exhausting! Maybe you’ve been burned by friends and have a hard time trusting. Maybe you were shoved together by your spouses and you have absolutely nothing in common. Don’t even get me started on trying to build a rapport with someone while you’re working and managing a family! 

“Even though we were compatible as friends, there was a specific instance that solidified our forever-friendship.”

I met one of my best friends, Fatima, our Freshman year of college. Immediately we hit it off and it felt like a divine friendship from God! Deep down, we both knew that God sent us to each other as oars for safety and steadiness while we were 3000 miles away from home. We had SO much in common- hometowns, views on dating, God, and a love for nauseatingly, drawn-out conversations that annoyed our loved ones. Even though we were compatible as friends, there was a specific instance that solidified our forever-friendship. 

Our Junior year of college, a few of us got cars. On of my friends at the time had a Mini Cooper, Fatima had an Altima, and ya girl… I had a convertible mustang. The only problem was… I didn’t like driving. One, I didn’t like having to be the designated driver when we went out at night. Two, I had huge rims and the potholes in Atlanta gave me the blues. Three, I had to drive into campus from Duluth (nearly 30 miles away) and I hated having to put all of that gas in my tank. Every time we prepared to go out, I had an excuse. 

“I was… flabbergasted, okay? My flabber was gasted.”

One day, I was sitting with Fatima and we were having a heart to heart conversation. I asked her if there was anything about me that bothered her and she said, “Yes. There are times when I feel manipulated by you.” I was… flabbergasted, okay? My flabber was gasted. She continued to explain that I always found a way to wiggle out of my turn to drive and somehow, my friends were left feeling guilty and/or uncomfortable asking me to drive. 

THAT was the point that we became best friends. It stung- to see myself in that kind of light. My friend was holding a mirror up to my heart and I didn't like what I saw. Somehow, we were able to talk through it and even though I was slightly defensive at the time, I knew that our friendship was a safe space. Proverbs 27 says, "wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." Sometimes, you just need the truth. You need to be sharpened. 

WHAT QUALIFIES A WORTH-WHILE FRIENDSHIP TO YOU?