HOW CAN I SHOW UP AUTHENTICALLY TO MY FRIEND GROUP WHEN I’M IN A DIFFICULT SEASON? I feel like I’m constantly dragging the mood down.

*Starting to add an advice column to the blog. Enjoy!*

I think a lot of us wrestle with this… especially in this climate of relationships now and days. We’re inundated with content from people that say, “I’m protecting my energy” and “I don’t have time for negativity.” There’s a common theme of people expressing that they have no room and space for others’ adversity and pain. How are we supposed to process that within the realm of friendship? How is it supposed to feel safe to land?

Here are three things to consider:

1. Before you express yourself, be honest about your hesitation to share! Lots of folks are moving 1000mph throughout their day. Some people have to make a conscious effort to focus and hold space. If you simply say, “Hey, I really need to share with you what’s been going on with me. I’m a little hesitant because I don’t wanna ‘drag you down’, but I trust you and need a safe space to let this out.” This approach rips the bandaid off and starts the conversation from an honest place.

2. Pay attention to shame. This could sound like a weird piece of advice, but it’s so common to hold shame around our adversity. This is also very common in the faith space where a lie floats around that we cannot hold the tension of pain and gratitude. There are so many biblical accounts of pain and suffering. There’s an ENTIRE book of the Bible called Lamentations! We are imperfect human beings having an imperfect human experience. The enemy would love to keep you hidden in isolation- God wants you in community.

3. MAYBE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT: Create multiple places and avenues to heal. People feel like they’re “dumped on” or “dragged down” when they are your only outlet for expression and healing. We are supposed to do life in community AND with God. Wise counsel is a beautiful thing in tandem with prayer. Imagine the power of having a prayer life, journaling, going to therapy AND leaning on a wise, loving group of friends. 

 It’s important to share with the people that you trust the most who know you best. It is easy to create stories in our mind about being a burden and “dragging” our friends down. To be honest, people can tell you over and over and over again that you’re not, but my prayer is that God gives you a revelation. You need a revelation about your worthiness and God’s ability to bring ordained relationships.