THE FATHER FALLACY.

Growing up, my dad and I had a weird relationship. I was, by far, a lot closer to my mother. I’m not sure if it was by design or default, but my mother was the “good cop” and my dad was the “bad cop”. He was rigid and at times, stoic. There were times that we connected, but he traveled a lot for work so I naturally relied on my mom. My dad was hard on my little brother too, and we’d often bump heads in my efforts to “protect him”. I didn't understand what it meant to raise a young man. I was a headstrong kid- extremely loyal to what I thought was right… even when I was wrong. But, those interactions taught me that "DADS ARE CRITICAL". 

Growing up, I thought I was going to work in the music industry. I loved writing music and singing. I even had a little singing group at the age of 9. My dad wasn’t a fan. I’d come to find out years later that it was a point of contention between my mom and dad. When I was 13, I started running track and my dad discovered that I was fast. His Joe Jackson switch turned on and he’d wake me up at 6am on Saturdays to train at the track. I didn’t have a deep passion for running, I loved music.

One cold, early morning, my dad and I were sitting on the track. I’d just finished training and I was irritated. Sensing my visible irritation, my dad began to explain that I should give up music. It was never going to happen. It felt as though my heart shattered into a million little pieces. Suddenly, I was keenly aware that what I wanted didn't matter. “DADS CRUSH DREAMS”.

 "It felt as though my heart shattered into a million little pieces."

Then my mom died. It was the first time I saw my dad as a human being. Grief sprung out of us in raw ways- bursting our family into tears, screams, misunderstandings and fears. I ran away- 3,000 miles away in fact. I shut off the grief and kept my Dad at a polite, arms-distance. But thank God for the distance, because it gave me perspective. 

Over the next four years of college, the most miraculous thing happened… my dad and I grew closer than ever. We’d talk on the phone about relationships, money, careers, and social issues. I began to see my dad as human- a man who never met his father, the only one of his siblings to pursue a Godly life. DADS ARE HUMAN.

God began to reveal all of the way that my eyes were blocked- all of the times my dad provided food on the table for me. He began to show me all of the times my dad sacrificed- working the night shift for me and traveling weeks out of the month for me. My dad was a man that became a single parent to two teenagers while simultaneously grieving the loss of his wife and best friend. Slowly, my Dad became one of my absolute favorite people. “DADS PROTECT. DADS LOVE.”

"My dad was a man that became a single parent to two teenagers while simultaneously grieving the loss of his wife and best friend."

Now, I’m left to reconcile with the projections I’ve placed on my Heavenly Father. How often do we make our Heavenly Father out to be critical? Accusatory? Crushing? Absent? Abusive? Emotionally distant? Or even bound by humanity’s restrictions? While the Bible calls God our father for a reason- the seed planter, the ultimate provider & protector, we have to understand that our earthly fathers aspire (unsuccessfully) to be more like God.  They are not mutually exclusive. Our Heavenly Father IS the standard. 

I’d be remissed if I did not say this to you: Take time this Father’s Day to write down all of your ideas around earthly fatherhood. How has your dad shown up (or not) for you? Have you projected those thoughts onto your Heavenly Father? Repent. Then, as your mind is renewing… read the Word to refresh yourself in the truth of whose you are.