OH, YOU THOUGHT.

I’m gonna give it to you straight. As women, we give ourselves A LOT of credit in the “emotional intelligence” department. And if we’re being honest, it’s the new 2024 humble brag to say we’re doing “the work”. But are we? What do we have to show for it?

Oftentimes, as women, we say that we’re “emotionally intelligent”, but we oftentimes lack one of the telltale signs: the compassion to empathize with the people around us. We often penalize men for their slower, or even different approach to self-expression. We did three months of therapy and now we're berating our tinder date for his inability to express himself. We bought a journal, so now we can finally tell our dad how emotionally stunted he is. What are we doing? We miss opportunities to slow down and step into someone else's shoes and learn more about who and why they are. I’m not sure if it’s the online dating or the plethora of options (ha. ha.). But somehow, we’ve reduced these men down to their occupations or quirks- you know the stuff, “Have you gone on another date with the pediatrician?” His name is James. The pediatrician's name is James. We've developed a superiority complex that objectifies men based on their bank accounts or accolades. 

God calls us to emotional intelligence. Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

To be a compassionate person, we have to slow down and take a genuine interest into who other people are. It takes curiosity. It requires patience. It’ll mean we have to strip off the monolithic ideas we have about humans and their inner workings.

If we weaponize "the work" we've done (more on "the work" on a different day) to demean and belittle the people in our sphere, then we missed it... and perhaps you're not as healed as you think you are. 

artwork: Star Children: I See God in Us series, 2019 Delita Martin